Well, the contest was cancelled, but I still got 2 boxes of flashcards and a backpack. Good deal though xD
- - -
Among the 6 factors of an ACUPIT culture (Action, Caring, Understanding, Passion for Excellence, Innovation, Trust), I find the Passion for Excellence to be the most interesting. It is not that I prefer the other factors – to me, they are mostly at the same level of importance – but it is because many people may have different opinions on this matter. Some may say that the strongest Passion for Excellence is ambition, or relationships, or money. However, I personally think that the most important thing needed for success is self-confidence.
First of all, one of the basic factors required in building one’s self-confidence is self-understanding. As you might know, the power of gossip and media nowadays is getting stronger than ever. It would be nice if people were talking about good stuffs, but in fact, that speed of spreading is often applied to embarrassing moments, awful criticisms, etc., which can really hurt one’s self-confidence if we do not have a clear mind about ourselves. We should be the one who know ourselves best. We should know what we are missing from perfection, understand what we have, and what we are still trying to have, then aim for it only. The public should be considered as a blurry mirror which partially reflects what we look like. We should better ourselves to look nice in it, not convince it to reflect differently.
The next factor I want to mention about gaining self-confidence is the support from one’s close people. They can be members of the family, relatives, friends, co-workers, etc. Why? In my opinion, the contrary of self-confidence is insecurity. To be more specific, it is the fear of failing without being able to get back up. A person who is ensured of having someone at their back is not likely to have this problem. The power of affection can be limitless, and our way of accepting it also makes a big difference. We can hide in a corner and wait for someone to find us despite their busy lives, or we can ask for a hug, and surely that an “Are you ok?” question will follow. If you know that you are not alone, that you will always have some sort of warm pillows to catch your fall, I believe that you can walk your way as confidently as you want.
Last but not least, I strongly believe that courage is also a very important factor. It is not the kind of courage like stepping forward to fight a big monster, but the kind of taking responsibility, of believing in oneself, of taking a leap of faith and jump to one’s dream. Nothing can be achieved by hesitating and being afraid of falling, because you will definitely fall before succeeding. Only when the fear is controlled will the confidence take place.
In conclusion, I consider self-confidence is the most powerful motivation for overcoming obstacles, because only when you acknowledge your true value will you find your own way of reaching success.
Tuesday 29 November 2016
Monday 7 November 2016
Falling | The Messy Me
I think I am fucking falling for him all over again. After weeks and months and days and years of supressing. I am freaking out as I wrote this, since it would become real if expressed in words, I think.
My imagination is back to elementary base again, where fantasies take over every single inch of my body and I cannot focus on anything.
I imagined how we would talk about love. How we would snuggle together in any kind of weather. How we would kiss and make love and hug and find each other in our sleep. How I would take so so so ever many of pictures of him to seize every moment, and how he would look at me, and only me with those dreamy, yet intensive eyes. How we would hold hands and walk on whatever path that Fate has settled for us. How I would find comfort by hugging his back or chest or arm. How would I adore his smell, his touch, the feeling of his rough, messy hair. How would he adore my stupid face while sleeping. How he would keep my hands warm when I'm nervous. How he would see me break down and heal me back to life.
Now I'm stuck with how he brushed his hair with his gigantic hands, how he shook his hips playfully to make us laugh, how he sulked and whined and complained about how violent I treated him. How he shielded me from the coming traffic just because I'm to stubborn to stay on the safe side. His safe side.
And the voice. Omg with his voice. I have a high tendency to fall for boys with good voice, low and warm and has that special vibration to it (that was how I fell for the last jerk anyway.)
Not to mention that I know he is so good-hearted. I knew how he loved his last girlfriend to the moon and back. How he would do good things to his friends even without the credit. How he never lies about important matters, or at least he would tell me the truth right after he has got me fooled (still feel not very well tho, but at least I have some trust in him.)
It's not that I never knew he is a good person. It's just that feelings for him tend to get too strong, and they scared me. I don't feel things very often. I'd rather stay behind and be a good, violent and cheerful friend than take the leap of faith and jump into that mess. So I never do anything but pushed everything away. I didn't even want to THINK if I liked him or not. It's just too dangerous even just to think. It's best not to think about it. It's best to put my mind to different matters, to a different world.
So now I sitting here, and keeps wondering if I truly LIKE(D) him or not. Do I really see him as he is, or it's just that I have just been lonely for too long?
Damn, I don't even know if he is still single or not.
- - -
I am a detailed person like that, even if my brain will not let these memories last for long. They will fade, and disappear eventually, as always. But if I put them here, they might stay. They might remain for as long as I need. I need some safe haven. I need to know that somewhere, I am safe with my thoughts. I need somewhere, something to help me keep my important stuffs. Something without judgement, comments nor suggestions.
It was just one encounter in what, 5 years? And I'm already a big mess like this. So pathetic.
Not to mention my huge self-doubt obstacle still haunting me recently, where all the stress just came from nowhere. May be Olivia was right. I am stressed and having a depression.
"Sadness is when you feel sad when things are bad. But depression is when you feel sad while everything around you is good."
I still think that I'm fine, tho. I am the kind of person who never want to classify anything. I never want to force anything into order, never want to agressively get things under a detailed control.
I just want the world to live with itself, to kick their limits away and grow to their fullest without any chains nor boundaries. But I guess freedom is just and ideal. A far-away illusion that we often use as the target.
But it can never be reached, I think. We cannot build freedom wihout rules and restrictions. Its result would be chaos, not freedom. Good people need rules. Perfect masterpieces need patience and discipline. All goods thing need their rules to keep each other from falling into the black hole. We would not be very likely to get a bad person's back. We would not be able to unite. And things will fall for sure.
- - -
Right now I really want to have a machine that lets me date him for one day. Just one day to see what happens. To see whether if my heart was right or it was just messing with my head. To see if he truly have feelings for me.
Genie, when can I find you?
My imagination is back to elementary base again, where fantasies take over every single inch of my body and I cannot focus on anything.
I imagined how we would talk about love. How we would snuggle together in any kind of weather. How we would kiss and make love and hug and find each other in our sleep. How I would take so so so ever many of pictures of him to seize every moment, and how he would look at me, and only me with those dreamy, yet intensive eyes. How we would hold hands and walk on whatever path that Fate has settled for us. How I would find comfort by hugging his back or chest or arm. How would I adore his smell, his touch, the feeling of his rough, messy hair. How would he adore my stupid face while sleeping. How he would keep my hands warm when I'm nervous. How he would see me break down and heal me back to life.
Now I'm stuck with how he brushed his hair with his gigantic hands, how he shook his hips playfully to make us laugh, how he sulked and whined and complained about how violent I treated him. How he shielded me from the coming traffic just because I'm to stubborn to stay on the safe side. His safe side.
And the voice. Omg with his voice. I have a high tendency to fall for boys with good voice, low and warm and has that special vibration to it (that was how I fell for the last jerk anyway.)
Not to mention that I know he is so good-hearted. I knew how he loved his last girlfriend to the moon and back. How he would do good things to his friends even without the credit. How he never lies about important matters, or at least he would tell me the truth right after he has got me fooled (still feel not very well tho, but at least I have some trust in him.)
It's not that I never knew he is a good person. It's just that feelings for him tend to get too strong, and they scared me. I don't feel things very often. I'd rather stay behind and be a good, violent and cheerful friend than take the leap of faith and jump into that mess. So I never do anything but pushed everything away. I didn't even want to THINK if I liked him or not. It's just too dangerous even just to think. It's best not to think about it. It's best to put my mind to different matters, to a different world.
So now I sitting here, and keeps wondering if I truly LIKE(D) him or not. Do I really see him as he is, or it's just that I have just been lonely for too long?
Damn, I don't even know if he is still single or not.
- - -
I am a detailed person like that, even if my brain will not let these memories last for long. They will fade, and disappear eventually, as always. But if I put them here, they might stay. They might remain for as long as I need. I need some safe haven. I need to know that somewhere, I am safe with my thoughts. I need somewhere, something to help me keep my important stuffs. Something without judgement, comments nor suggestions.
It was just one encounter in what, 5 years? And I'm already a big mess like this. So pathetic.
Not to mention my huge self-doubt obstacle still haunting me recently, where all the stress just came from nowhere. May be Olivia was right. I am stressed and having a depression.
"Sadness is when you feel sad when things are bad. But depression is when you feel sad while everything around you is good."
I still think that I'm fine, tho. I am the kind of person who never want to classify anything. I never want to force anything into order, never want to agressively get things under a detailed control.
I just want the world to live with itself, to kick their limits away and grow to their fullest without any chains nor boundaries. But I guess freedom is just and ideal. A far-away illusion that we often use as the target.
But it can never be reached, I think. We cannot build freedom wihout rules and restrictions. Its result would be chaos, not freedom. Good people need rules. Perfect masterpieces need patience and discipline. All goods thing need their rules to keep each other from falling into the black hole. We would not be very likely to get a bad person's back. We would not be able to unite. And things will fall for sure.
- - -
Right now I really want to have a machine that lets me date him for one day. Just one day to see what happens. To see whether if my heart was right or it was just messing with my head. To see if he truly have feelings for me.
Genie, when can I find you?
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