things will slowly come to an end.
I know that feel.
I've been through that.
After each time I tried, and cried,
I feel my heart gets colder, little by little,
to the point I will stop caring too.
I'm passive-agressive that way.
I'd let things die
rather than keep trying for someone who don't even care about keeping me sane.
Maybe I just love you,
but I don't know if I can keep up with this.
I'm just physically, mentally, whole-heartedly
tired.
I'm tired as hell,
I'm always sad,
it has been a burden these days, talking to you
trying to encourage you in vain
trying to explain myself and only receive dry, meaningless responses.
I'm pissed off, I'm sad,
I can see a clear future that you can't handle me and my mind
Would I regret later, that I already foreseen this
yet still chose to be with you?
Should I leave? When? How?
Do I need to wait until all tears are spent, heart stops aching,
and soul becomes numb?
Being taken for granted is hard
Being ignored is hard
Being misunderstood is hard
Being happy with yourself is hard
And to one point,
you don't even bother to try to explain yourself anymore.
Just shrug it off,
and try to survive without feeling anything.
I tried, I mean,
I really tried.
I tried drawing, singing, translating things I like,
I tried reading, even exercise
I tried sharing
Maybe I'm too sensitive, too annoying
but I never felt that you cheered for me
I just felt utterly
alone.
Maybe one day I will be happy with my current self,
one day I will be independent enough to stop relying on other people's encouragement
but what if I want encouragement to make my happier,
to make my life easier,
like,
just a little little little bit easier?
What if I'm not giving you want you want either?
What if you are feeling lonely too?
I tried to think that way,
I tried to ask how were you doing,
I tried to care.
But when I'm hurt, I can't try like that.
I will close myself,
now to the point that even YOU can feel it.
Yes, I know you feel it.
But do you know what breaks me?
It's because you don't even try to fix things.
You meditate and you think everything will magically be fixed for you,
just because you lived well and nice.
I guess even when I have left,
you won't even regret anything,
since you believe in nothingness.
If one day I decide to leave,
I think it will not be because of something you have done,
but because of things you didn't do.
I just cried for one hour straight
while writing this
and I'm so tired
I'm just so fucking tired
Tears are leaking and I can't stop
I just want to stop everything
Even my family
Even you.
I also have thought
of the day myself ends too
I wish to rest for a while
So I can hug myself
And tell her too keep trying
One day more
Just one day more
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